Let’s face it: cats have a more illustrious history than dogs. While dogs are loyal, domestic and constant, cats were busy being worshipped in Ancient Egypt. And really, let’s think about it: following around humans, risking life and limb….or being served hand and foot by said humans while anyone who harmed one hair on your head got the axe.

Not exactly even on the scales, now is it?

However, nowadays cats have to be content with simply…being provided a comfy home, yummy food and constant love at the palm of their paw by their owners. Huh. The more things change…

But while this glamorous and graceful animal enjoys its prestigious past, there are a few things that aren’t very pleasant about cat ownership and for both Leo and I, it was an eye opener. Especially with Willow and Tiberious. While I had owned a cat before, my Princess was a lady compared to these two…delinquents. Like any elitist snob, most cats will hide their misdemeanors and pretend like nothing is their fault, all the while delighting the sound of your scream, groan, gagging, etc., when you find the evidence. Willow and Tiberious have become masters at this…and like many good felines, they love it when the canine takes the blame.

Offense #1: Willow’s Dilemma

We have all heard a cat meow. When I was in high school, I met what I thought was the loudest cat I would ever see. Her name was Agatha and she belonged to my friend Joseph. Agatha was big, black and LOUD. She also had a canny ability to appear at exactly the most awkward times ever. Her memory however, was put to shame when I adopted Willow.

Or I should say, when she recovered and realized I was her new…roommate. You see, Willow is not a normal cat. She is cat like in all the ways you expect– independent, demanding on her time, etc. But she also has some other qualities that make her a part of the furry misfits, the most unique of this is her water thing.

Many cats can be finicky about their water (click here!), which was new to me since Princess never was.

But Willow was never shy about letting me know what she wanted. Her meows are legendary. As soon as we get home–MEOW. I go to the bathroom—MEOW– and she sprints into the room with me–MEOW– proceeds to jump on the lip of the tub– MEOW– and look up at me– MEOW. I tried not to give in. It just resulted in Willow going on a water strike, which I realized would cost me money at the vet. Instead, it cost me money on my water bill. But this dilemma was solved easily. Leo and I ended up giving in and buying them a running water fountain. Unfortunately, as soon as she saw Thor drink from it, she refused to use it. EVER. AGAIN.

The meows aren’t just confined to her water demands either; if she wants food, a toy, a perch…virtually ANYTHING, the meows ensue. Cats may have a reputation for being quiet and sneaky, but Willow breaks the mold. She is the loudest and most vocal furry child in our household.

Offense #2: The Bell is Back, Tiberious’s Bane

In my previous post about Tiberious, I mentioned how he was such a little bully during his adolescence we had to put a bell on him to keep tabs on him. Well…the bell is back.

We just moved in to a new place, which has a loft. Leo is terrified that we will come home one day and find that Tiberious tried to fly, hurting himself. So, for his piece of mind, I dug up the old bell and put it on him. I think in that moment, Liberious took over. It was like I switched out his personality. Having so much space, he has reverted to his bullying and sneaky ways. Thankfully, since he thinks he is part dog, all we have to do now is call his name and listen for the bell. Unfortunately, when I came home yesterday, we found that Willow is paying for the bell. We found tufts of fur where Tiberious decided to pick on her.

Offense #3: Litter and Poop

This offense is an all encompassing feline offense. I feel that every cat owner has thought this at one point or another:

They do it on purpose.

You have just cleaned their litter box…and they immediately jump in and BOOM. Not only do they save their most disgusting emissions for when you are standing right there, but they also decide that they will be meticulous about covering up the foul abomination. Sounds like a favor right? Until you realize that their meticulousness means, among other things, digging into the litter so violently that half of the new litter ends up on the floor/carpet/etc. Then they proceed to give you the look that practically screams “Clean up my s&*%, you petty human”.

Not to mention the little known anecdote about Tiberious and poop…he had a piece stuck to him for the better part of a week as a kitten because of lack of grooming skills. Difference between him and Willow? Tiberious is very fastidious when it comes to pooping in the litter box. Willow, however, decides where and what her litter box ultimately is. Closets, Mommy’s shoes, on Daddy’s dirty clothes (or clean ones; she doesn’t care)…yeah. It is not pleasant to go to your closet and find that your well organized shoes have been knocked around to cover cat poop. On yet another pair of shoes.

And let’s not forget both Thor and Darla’s affinity for eating cat poop. That has consequences all on their own. Let me just say this: there is nothing more disgusting than a Great Dane getting carsick after eating cat poop. The smell alone will make you promise anything to anyone as long as you never have to smell, deal with, or see anything like that EVER AGAIN.

Also motivates you to purchase/improvise a Dane proof litter box.

Offense #4: Hairballs and Projectile Vomiting

It’s a given that cats will throw up hairballs. Considering that it seems they spend a third of their lives grooming, it is just a fact that cat owners take in stride. Being a long haired cat, Tiberious hacks up good sized globs every 2 weeks or so. Normally, it’s just a disgusting part of sharing my space with him…at least it was, until Thor decided they were a delicacy.

Leo and I now have to play keep away with both Thor and Darla, while systematically picking up a glob that will inevitably fall apart, much to the canines’ delight.

That however, does not compare to the Exorcist-like spewing that Willow is capable of.

Not only does she put Linda Blair to shame, but she will ALWAYS find the highest perch she can before she lets it rip. It’s like she saves it and waits until she finds the point where she can inflict the most damage and BOOM. Now, while you are sitting there, thinking I am crazy for crediting this cat for deviousness beyond what she can comprehend, let me explain. We realized about 3 years ago that Willow had a severe wheat allergy that manifested itself with the rare symptoms of vomiting, and to a lesser extent, diarrhea. We switched her food and rarely was it an issue…until the family started growing. While Willow abhors any kind of table food other than tuna, she just had to try the dogs’ food. You would think that behavioral therapy never had a chance. EVERY TIME she would eat a bit of kibble, she would puke. So, yes, I now think she does it on purpose. Before our apartment was ready, we were staying at an Extended Stay America…Willow decided she was going to eat dog good, and not only puke, but climb up on top of the cabinets overlooking the bar/table, lamp, etc…and yeah. I never thought I would be scrubbing cat vomit from a hotel lamp shade. That’ll teach me.